When I was in college, among the other things that happened at parties, (think Jean stains on walls, Chicago girls juking hard, guys from neighboring campuses preferred, no food, liqqa (the cheaper, more available version of liquor) and cardio. We used to have a time. I mean, we didn't have a football team so we had to create game level highlights in heavily policed parties in what we affectionately called "The Village". And then there'd be the people who came there for game night (also known as challenges to justify actions they either really wanted or really didn't). One example of this is "questions". I've come across a few iterations of this game from the drinking one wherein you have to constantly respond to the group with a question or the other one. You know the one where folks use the game as an excuse to ask you really invasive questions. So you end up drinking anyway because "that's my business!" My questions look a little different at this big age wherein a few drinks requires a two-day recovery, prayer of repentance and statements of dishonest regret. Today my questions are quite serious. They're political. They're personal. They keep me up at night. So here's nothing...
Did that stingray ever have those shark-ray babies? If so, why didn't we get to see our lil neice-few? I feel like I was a part of the family. I truly want to know how they look and if mama has a wild story to share. "You know that one night Gary shark got to saying that ____ I like and next thing I know..." I WANT THE TEA.
How is that a rich and famous wywoman goes missing and all of a sudden the royals are making canva family photos?
Can we do a real-ones only olympics? I want one of the sporting categories to be "putting that ____ on" a fashion competition. "Sh*t talking" where the smoothest people put together their best lines and we see who wins. Or... a pound cake competition. I'd really travel and pay money for that.
Have you ever met a Black person that loves their job? Including their coworkers. Gotta be specific here. And honestly, I don't know one. Lucky for me, I'm my own coworker but I get on my own nerves some days so that's where I fall short.
Why do older Black women always make me go get them something in the store? This Ethiopian auntie sent me on a wild goose chase to find almond flour at Costco. If you don't get this bag of almonds and hit blend. I went and found it though and asked her if she needed anything else.
Why didn't anyone tell us ovulation was this painful? My mama is going to block me very soon, I fear.
Can we decide to skip this election? I don't mean not vote. I mean literally skip it because both of the guys running need some time. To describe it as a rock and a hard place might be an understatement. And the "lesser evil" analogy only works if you like your evil a certain way. Either way, they need some time to think before jumping back into a relationship with us. It's them, not us.
Why did that young lady say she looked like Megan Fox? Ima just leave that there because I don't wanna talk about it anymore until she answers.
Do y'all remember the movie Crooklyn? That's not the question but there's a line in the movie that I say often."Why you house stink?" I have a neighbor who likes to leave her trash outside the door when it's foul. And I don't know if you know, that I know, you know, exactly what you doing, but you do. DC summer is like putting your face close to an iron and hitting the team button. So the funk literally hits the fan.
What is it in the footprint of African American DNA that necessitates "something sweet" after dinner? Every night. I'm currently fighting the urge to make a midweek peach cobbler because I'm grown.
Did you think you'd be doing cooler things "because you're grown"? I thought getting grown was fun until I realized it comes with the need for additional fiber with meals, a second pension, regular chiropractic care and an instant attitude at the slightest inconvenience. On a serious note... I have a lot of questions about how folks sleep at night. How folks who do wrong always seem to win. Why y'all putt Jess Hilarious on the breakfast club? Why do folks keep going in ancient tombs removing the bodies and possessions of folks? Would Harriet Tubman have left some folks behind? I have a lot of questions. Some folks tell you not to question God. I've never believed that to be true. I always believed God was big enough to handle my questions, especially the inconvenient, raw and vulnerable questions I ask a lot these days. Anywho, hope you got questions, too.
-Doc
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