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  • Writer's pictureAshley Gray

10 Random Things I think... you'll deal.

1. I know I don’t have much junk in the trunk, but I’m floored by all the songs that are about bums. Like what does it actually look like to “throw that in a circle?” I’m asking for a friend.

 2. Why did my momma let me listen to Barry White? There something very traumatizing about “practice what you preach”… Maybe it’s the whole conversation at the beginning where he’s giving the pre-sack session pep talk. “I’ve had my share of lovers, some would say I’m damn good. But, if you think you can turn me out, girl I just wish that you would.” Gross


 3. At this point, I’d rather raft than take an AirAsia flight. Oh and I can’t swim. But damn… I think it’s safer to ride ply wood across the ocean. 

 4. Y'all remember the BP Oil spill? How it is that all that oil just disappeared magically? It is my firm belief that Ron Isley, in collaboration with Tito Jackson conspired to collect crude oil for cosmetic purposes. No ones edges are that uniform. I’m onto you.

5. I suffer from extreme secondhand embarrassment so hearing this story about a friend’s cousin’s wedding just makes me turn red. She told me that her cousin walked down the aisle to “Written all over your face” by the Rude Boys. She may or may not have walked down in slow motion too. In my mind I’m picturing a french roll with pearls and a heavy spritzed swoop. We gotta do better.

6. I once coordinated a wedding and the wedding party jumped over a regular, undecorated, dusty, plastic broom out of the utility closet at the church, then marched out to “My Ambitionz az a rider” by Tupac. I can’t get that time back. 

7. So ABC news posted a picture of some Yellowstone National Park visitors being chased by bears. Now normally, you would imagine fear in their faces, panic- something of that nature. Nah. Instead of running they are pulling out tripods and casually walking. Listen, I know at least 15 Black people right now that would’ve been on top of cars. Black people don’t run towards danger. Hell, being Black is dangerous enough.

8. I saw an article about a 88 year old Black woman who is a sprinter. I mean what else hasn’t she done? The petty part of me was like, “So, she didn’t solve world hunger.”

9. I get so uncomfortable when my non-Black colleagues reach moments of understanding and try to educate you on blackness. “Ashley, did you know Black children are (insert number) times more likely to end up in prison than white children? John get the hell out of my office. I’m busy writing my cousin in jail a letter. 

10. In honor of my friend’s cousin’s wedding here’s the Rude Boys “Written All Over your Face.” Also, here is a struggle picture from my years of cornrows to the back and getting my brows done at a nail shop.

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