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  • Writer's pictureAshley Gray

10 Things I think about... Medical emergencies... almost.

Everyday a differnet co-pay

1. SO… I really love Brussel Sprouts and Asparagus… like LOVE them. One day I was trying to be fake vegan and made both for dinner. Yum. The next day I took a morning pee and was repulsed. I called my gyno and everything. Scheduled an emergency testing session. Was about to make a call and GO OFF on somebody. Like was planning how I would buy ramen with the money on my books. I’m so glad a friend I had invited over for dinner mentioned her pee being repulsive. It saved me a co-pay and prison.

2. My older sister (middle sister) growing up was quite the adventurer. I’m not sure if she don’t have much of concept of “don’t do that &$#%, it might hurt” or “nah momma is gonna whoop us if we do that.” Anyhow… we used to have this big blower fan, you know the kind people use to clean up after floods? Yeah, I’m not sure why the adults thought it was safe to have that either. Anywhooooo… My sister who shall remain unnamed, decided to explore the internal mechanisms of the fan by stick her finger right into the blades… I’m pretty certain my mother felt any combination of utter concern and “when you get better, I’m gonna knock you out.” 

3. Black mommas gotta stop threatening kids about medical care. For example, “I told you to stop, now if you get hurt we’re not going to the doctor.” or… “You think I wanna spend my last lil money at Children’s? You better go have a seat.” *My inner thought when Carol tried this* (Let’s be real… you know you gonna take me to go the doc, if you don’t DFS will.)

4. Black mommas gotta stop trying to create home remedies… I’ll explain…

me: Leg is literally falling off

Mom: Got sit on the toilet.

Me: Mom I have a headache

Mom: Go sit on the toilet

Me: Momma, I got run over by a bike.

Mom: Go sit on the toilet. And try drinking some water sometime!

5. Dear Black mommas, 

blue magic hair grease does not clean, soothe or heal burns from the pressing comb.


6. A friend of mine taught her daughter about co-pays at the age of 4. One day, said child purposely dropped a small pebble into her ear. Before going to the doc, I’m pretty sure she knew the co-pay for primary care vs. emergency care. I’m certain she convinced her mom to try urgent care because it was $50 and opposed to $100. “Just trying to save you some money mom.”

7. Dear Black mommas, when your child falls/get injured please now that there is minimal comfort in “get up, you’re alright.”

-Mother Teresa

8. When I first got my period (much later than all my gal pals), I don’t know what to expect besides being about to use really brightly colored pads and the expectation of growing boobs. (I didn’t get the boobs until MUCH later… MUCH). When I got my cycle no one told me about flow. I just knew i was dying one day. I wrote out a will, which involved giving all my good Barbies to charity, telling AJ from Black Street Boys that I loved him and a dying wish to have a first kiss. I’m still a little alarmed that I live every month after dying that much. Magical.

9. Dear Black mommas, let your kids play in the waiting room. Maybe I should direct this at Carol… she never let us play with those moving bead things, or the other misc items. I mean I know they’re full of germs, but dang it would’ve helped my immunity. I’m sure this will fall of unwilling ears, because my momma buys more Bleach than the Mayo Clinic. But you could’ve let us play dang.

10. I love you all and have missed you lots. Can’t wait to share my most recent failures and successes with you. My song for today is: “I like the way (kissing game) by Hi-Five because well… nostalgia.

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