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  • Writer's pictureAshley Gray

10 Things I Think... Insecure is making me feel THINGS

So... I watched episode 3 of Insecure a few minutes ago and I can't help but think about a few things: Molly & Issa's relationship, forgiving your parents, wanting different things than your partner and Issa's statement. You know the one where she says, "I feel like she's reaping the benefits of what I poured into him" (or something like that). So let's get into it because this is a conversation I have seen multiple girlfriends shy away from having. It's almost a shared sisterhood right of passage that we aren't discussing. SO...

1. We've previously talked about me being the "one that got away" and how that's an awful message to receive. The other part of that is not having been seen for the duration of the relationship. Like does it really take for you to meet Liz to know that? There's no flattery in this call and I wish y'all would stop it. It's like throwing a ticking bomb in someone's lap. This emotional hot potato-ing is selfish as hell.

2. Forgiveness, in general, is very difficult. BUT. There is something incredibly hard about forgiving a parent. I know this from experience. Molly's feelings towards her dad, while a bit selfish, are real. It's a hard reality to accept that your parents are not who you created them to be. You know we've all created narratives and storylines that make our parents someone they are not. I guess accepting that they are actually human is harder than punishing them for not meeting our standards. Anywho... I've talked pretty openly about my relationship with my dad. I've shared some highlights and if you look carefully on a certain blog, I've shared some painful moments, too. Accepting a parent sometimes means doing so continually. "I accept you in this current form without trying to change you." It's really hard work. And I kinda get it.

3. Watching Molly and Issa throw jabs back and forth about each other's complex situations was painful. Issa has clearly found a good thing in her business partnership with Canola Spray or Condola. Molly is in full self-sabotage mode even as she tries to use new tools to make things healthy with her beau, "zaddy". (He's FINE and yes, I give everyone on the show nicknames). Either way, this duo is better than this place they're in. AND. We come up with 6,780 tools to make out romantic relationships work- can we try some of this with our girlfriends?!? Conflict among friends is a concept that I need to continue to work on. #IssaStruggleForMe

4. Holidays bring out the best and worst in folks. You have to prepare yourself to explain why you do have this and why you have too much of that (usually referring to weight). I was really feeling Issa and her brother's Mexican restaurant soiree. It is also highly likely that I'm craving fajitas and a strong margarita. HIGHLY. But for real... holidays can be really great or really awful- seldom any in between.

5. Now Larry (Lawrence) is upset because Condola wants to keep things light?!? He legit laid on a couch for five years and then got motivated when he got single. I'm not sure all that newfound motivation was for himself as much as it is so he can have a full pick of the womenfolk. You played yourself. Tasha was trying to invite you to cookouts and you could've been carving the family turkey by now. But noooooooo... you just wanted to keep things light. Karma sometimes comes slow, but chile this is Olympic speed.

6. It seems like Lawrence and Condola haven't had the necessary talks. Everything is a new revelation. Lawrence needs to take a Black momma's advice and "get somewhere and sit still." He needs to be single for a while. And stop drifting on a memory of the places he'd rather be when he hasn't fully accepted his role in the dissolution of the previous relationship.

7. There is something strangely evil about not being able to police your emotions when you decide you want someone's attention back. Here's what it's saying: I don't actually want you back, but I do want to be wanted by you.

8. TSA bae was the most honest man on the show. Thick self! A great support. I think we need to have a deeper dialogue about his career/employment and how folks can color in classism/elitism between the lines.

9. Issa has also done a little glow-up herself. No more "We Got Y'all" or ubering... she's a certified community engagement strategist. And as much as she's glowing up- she's lonely as hell. I get it. Seeing your ex with someone else and now all of sudden they have money or the creativity to date... That's just about enough to flip out. And. While I've read a few articles that place that blame back on the woman, I think it's a reflection of Lawrence. He was happy to be supported in every way. An emotional, physical and financial leech. And. It's sad that he didn't believe in himself enough to show up whole for himself or Issa. Women are fed storylines all day about how you just have to stick it out. Or we are told to find someone with potential. Let me tell you from experience that potential doesn't pay the rent and it for _____ sure doesn't wipe tears.

10. On a serious note... This episode was about greener grass. Instead of going through the process to make your own life or relationship better, it's easier to just join someone else's grass. No clue that it's spray-painted green. That ain't real. And I get it- we all want to be wanted, but doing so at the costs of someone else's peace ain't it. Having received many calls from exes about failed relationships, I now have a standard response. "I'm sorry you're going through that, I'll keep you in my prayers!" Wish I would double-back for you to show me who you are, again.

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