1. Don't take career advice from someone who hasn't had much of a career. Consulting isn't everyone's ministry. You can't be a career consultant if you haven't had a career.
2. Stop buying fish plates and/or other edible items from folks with dirty houses. I refuse to believe that your part-time pet grooming business ain't infiltrating the brownies and whatnot.
3. Never trust someone who always needs to pick your brain on things they won't give your brain credit for. I have had colleagues and more "pick my brain" on something that magically turned into their rebranded version of my idea. Be cautious of who you share your brain trust with. There are some folks that couldn't even buy an original thought if they wanted to.
4. Don't take fitness advice from someone who paid Dr. Curves for their waistline. Lala and a few others went from being built like spongebob to Jessica Rabbit. If you want to achieve Jessica Rabbit status- book an appointment. Doing those side bends ain't going to give you a tiny waist, explosively large rump and perky door knockers. Let's stop lying to ourselves. As for me and my house- you either like a little fluff or you don't.
5. Don't wait til the morning of to get gas. Y'all should know that I hate myself every time I say I'm going to get gas in the morning. I always end up getting $10 on whatever pump because I was likely already late to work.
6. Don't sit at the spades table if you are not at expert level. This is no time for novice moves. You need to come ready to square up or flip a table. If you are not prepared to end it all- sit in the spectator section so we can play.
7. Stop putting all those accessories on children. Little Chris didn't ask to be dressed like the fourth migo no matter how bad you think he does.
8. Stop lying on your children for facebook likes...
Y'all: My baby just walked up to me and told me invest in some apple stock so we can break the cycle of financial oppression.
What your kid really said: Momma, I go poop in the garage.
9. Never take advice for Ayesha Curry- under any circumstances. She's still figuring herself out.
10. Don't inbox me asking if I want to make an extra $500/week selling laxatives dressed up as herbal teas. I don't care how you pretend that product is working- I don't want it. You can take pictures of your water weight loss all you want, but I'm still not joining your team. Don't ask me to be a brand ambassador on a brand you don't own. I. AIN'T. NEVUH. INTERESTED. Also see: poorly made costume jewelry.
11. On a serious note... I don't have my stuff together and neither do you. We can however learn a thing or two from each other. You'd be surprised how many times folks go against their better judgment in the name of a fad. Don't be that person. If magic tea could make us all shaped like Burnice Burgos, it'd cost a lot more than $20. And let's be honest... Bernice ain't shaped like Bernice. But if you want to be shaped like a wisdom tooth- go for it.
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