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  • Writer's pictureAshley Gray

10 Things I Think... What 2019 Taught me

1. Young Miami has a cochlear issue. Her rhythm on songs never matches up. JT is a better rapper (setting the bar kinda low).

2. Rihanna can blink and folks will see it as a sign that her album is about to drop. At this point, sis is trolling us. You got less than 48 hours Robyn Rihanna Fenty.

3. Grief has no respect for time or place. I lost a lot of humans this year. I have broken down at work, in the car, the airport, my proposal defense. Child, this year was for the tears.

4. I had to stop letting fear dictate my speed in completing this degree. Because of fear of losing people I've been doing this degree full speed- until life slowed me down. I started out in Educational Psychology, had a successful year in it. This new Higher Ed program opened up and I did something most humans never do- I transferred. I was in a relationship at the time. Toxic relationship. I felt like my degree was in the way of us really getting serious. And who doesn't want to be serious when "you're 30 and you moved across the country, where's your husband?" (That's a real question I was asked). I was stressed AUWT. I felt like I had to be all things. I needed to quickly get to writing phase so we could "plant some roots". Chile, thank God those roots never hit the ground, but that still wasn't enough to slow me down. Since I've been in this program, I've lost about 7 folks. I didn't realize I was moving so fast to get to writing phase because I was trying to get back home. Until this semester when Howa... I mean... it was meant for me to slow down, I was moving like Flo-Jo. Finding out I couldn't graduate this spring (whether realistic or not) came as a blow. Today, I'm so grateful for the freedom to do it when it's supposed to be done. And I want my edges and sanity upon completion.

5. A lot of the things I wrote on my previous lists of characteristics I want in a partner fell off. My standards didn't fall, but pettiness decreased. Now... hear me clearly... I still feel very strongly about missing side teeth. I do. I'm not sure if that will change. HOWEVER comma as I've grown and realized I'm a WIP (work in progress), I give grace that others are too.

6. I'm still learning this one... leave work stress at work. A few years back a mentor told me that I was stressing too much and the very folks I was stressing over were going home stress-free enjoying their families and treasures. They had peace and I was in pieces. I still struggle with this one. I guess we can say it's ongoing. Work hostility is real and because you spend 8+ hours there, it's important to understand toxicity and temporary craziness. And get the hell out when it's time. That company/institution/organization has been around ____ years, they will be fine without you. Killing yourself to prove it was worth it serves no one. Especially not you.

7. My connection with God is so important. For a while I felt really disconnected from God and I felt miserable. I was living unloved. Meanwhile God was probably somewhere like, girl, you couldn't even make me stop loving you if you tried. Go take a nap. I keep sending you love notes and you ain't receiving them. God will command whatever is needed to prove you are loved. I got a very special message through a dream where I was reminded. Live loved. Expect love. Give love.

8. Between insurance and flights, I've experienced the biggest scams of all time. I'm sick of paying y'all monthly and then having a deductible. My window was broken out a few weeks ago (long story) and I had to come up with the glass money. Me to Geico: "SO what I am paying y'all for? Safelight says it's covered through most insurance plans on the commercial." And I SICK AND TIRED of paying hundreds of dollars for a flight to get have a can of coke zero. Y'all know good and damn well those pretzels are dry as hell. And y'all can GMO anything else, figure out how to bring the damn peanuts back and hold the allergies. These pretzels ain't it, Southwest. At least Delta gives you some variety and a tv in the seat to watch. Southwest give you 6 pretzels, 62 calories of coke and a forced middle seat.

9. I learned that I'm powerful beyond measure. Seriously, I've accomplished so many of my goals this year. See the picture below for context. I really don't give myself credit for surviving a year that could have taken me out. This woman I've become and am becoming is so powerful.

10. On a serious note, I still have lots of work to do to be the best me. There's 2020 and 20-whatever to continue that. 2020 is going to be a big year for me. I'm going to be a doctor in 2020. I'm also going to be a woman who is healing from her traumas, mending broken relationships and being accountable. Hell, I might give y'all one and a possible abs this year. Never might could know. I also learned that low rise jeans ar for girls who are shaped like Ally McBeal. Bye.

This is my 2019 dream board. I did really well on the professional goals... personal... well... I started dating and traveled lots. Visualizing these made a huge difference in my moments of defeat.

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