Aretha's fune (because seasoned saints don't pronounce all the letters) was the home going of a lifetime. It was the longest, Blackest funeral ever I have seen. Now, don't get me wrong, my family funerals are hella long. I mean sometimes I think the spirit of whoever transitioned is ready to rest. And our family funerals are quite funny. I'll repost the old blog so you have more context. But... after the service, we have a few follow up questions. This is a collaboration of the Ashleys. Say hi to the mind of my good friend Ash D.
Me: Why didn’t Farrakhan get to speak? Not the slightest utterance of a word was allowed.
Me: What is all caucasity was that Faith Hill performance? We come from a strong people and that was a spicy as hollandaise.
Ash D: Where was Cissy?
Me: What the repast menu? I mean hell we was at church 17 hours. I was hungry as hell. No intermission… nothing. I wonder if Church's chicken catered the meats.
Ash D: Did they give the pallbearers snacks (granola bars, gatorade, pedialyte….) within that 17 hour period to maintain their blood sugar to carry the casket in the end?
Me: Why did colonizers think it was ok to name drop every Black they ever met?
Me: Did Ray Chew and the Crew do the music? You know Ray got that oil.
Me: Will there be a commemorative cd?
Me: Who got to keep all those flowers? You know Black people be ready to fight over those casket adornments. “I want the fern. You can have the carnations.”
Ash D: Ya’ll couldn’t let Aunt Jennifer Lewis understudy for NOBODY? Why was that option off the table?
Ash D: Why did ya’ll NOT go over etiquette in the holding room for people sitting behind the pulpit? Where were the ushers to snatch folks phones?
Me: Why did y’all let Pastor Creep-a-lot wear that Nupe under shirt?
Me: Would “Areeffa” have been pleased?
Me: Was that a half red Louboutin Fantasia had on?
Me: Why Shirley gone on that sheer juke joint dress? Looking like Shug Avery
Was Michael Eric Dyson going live? SITCHOAZZ down. Put that phone down.
Ash D: So, not nary a woman (specifically a Black woman) clergyperson accepted the invite to be on stage (if they were invited to begin with)?
Me: Why do we cape for problematic people? That pastor was as wrong as two left shoes. I don’t give a DAMB (I said it) if she came in wearing a sheer leotard and thigh high boots. Jesse lil uglass was looking too. Jesse could barely stand without assistance, but found a way to keep his eyes peeled on this girl. This is a conversation we have to continue to have as a many women have had instances of sexual assault and advances happen in the pulpit. I can recall a time when a deacon I grew up with hugged me and whispered that I was blossoming in my ear while refusing to release the hug. Don’t take advantage of vulnerability of women who come to church hungry for hope. Is this why your male pastor doesn’t want to preach about sexual assault because he might lose some of his leadership team??? Or perhaps have to give up his own seat. Be better for women.
P.S. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5EMNZH938U
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