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  • Writer's pictureAshley Gray

10 Things I think... Quarantine Day 2,394

1. I'm honestly trying to calculate when we are supposed to go back to work (physically) so I can put in for vacation. I'm not gonna lie, I've been so annoyed on zoom and the lack of empathy from some colleagues that vacation upon return sounds amazing. It's like there's an invisible set of expectations that you are supposed to over-perform virtually. Truth is I'm tired.

2. I keep trying to find projects to do in the house so I feel a sense of control over my life. Between my imaginary cooking show and the HGTV projects, I have lost my damn mind.

3. I keep hoarding food because secretly my anxiety is telling me the world is ending. I never knew that being forced to stay in the house would feel like psychological imprisonment. I have an interesting relationship with food and this time is making my dependency more clear.

4. I literally think I'm forgetting how to drive.

5. I think I understand why Black men pretend to play basketball. You know how you see a Black man do a quick spin move or randomly yell "box out"? I get it now. I'm about to start shadow braiding cornrows so I can keep my skill level high. Braids are life? It just doesn't ring the same as "ball is life."

6. It's almost Easter and I want those of you who are followers of Christ to remember two things: the resurrection is good news and please don't get dressed in those white tights. Jesus didn't live, die, then live again for you to look like milk of magnesia on the bottom half. We can talk about square toe shoes another time. And place a pin in hard spritzed curls for later revisiting.

7. I used to think Netflix and Hulu had so many options. At this point, I realize it's got about 15% of solid options, 10% of "you-might-get-lucky" options and the other 75% is stuff you would pass up on free tv. We need to hold them accountable.

8. This time has made me realize that I'm on everyone else's streaming accounts. And I won't accept the title of "mooch", but I will accept this as a form of reparation. I'm not saying y'all owe it to me to let me use your services, I'm just saying I think it's what God would want you to do.

9. As sick as I am of reading about 5G towers, the "roc nation brunchers" (as Ross calls them) talking about this is the best time to hustle, to the soft hoteps encouraging us to use our stimulus dollars to support Dr. Umar's non-existent schools or real estate, the ghost of thirsty exes who don't know how to manage their loneliness and I still can't put this damn phone down. I know it fuels my anxiety. I know I jump every time it goes off. AND I am struggling to pull away from it. I'm forwarding every update and avoiding social media challenges just like y'all are.

10. On a serious note... my anxiety is high and my blood pressure spiked the other day. I'm trying my best to take care of myself. It's honestly a struggle. Feeling super moody and irritable. So I did a virtual therapy appointment and if you have access, I would encourage you to do the same. It was awkward at first but by the end, I felt like I had made some progress. Please talk to someone with sound advice if you don't have access to therapy. Please try your best not to drink yourself into not feeling. I know it's hard, but in hard times new behaviors can form- some good and some bad. Be patient with yourself. Turn your camera off on zoom calls if needed. Order a weighted blanket. Whatever you need to do to make it work (that is healthy). If I've never said it before, please hear it now... I love you. I do. I've seen folks die, seen families not be able to memorialize their loved ones and everything in between. If you're reading this blog, please know that I love you.

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