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  • Writer's pictureAshley Gray

10 Things I think... Get your momma please.

My last blog was about what I want in a partner. Number 6 in particular read, "Accepting family. After that last hoorah with the helicopter mom, I'm good on y'all's mommas. I know she thinks you're God's gift to earth, but she doesn't have to co-exist with you. You and your momma need have healthy boundaries, communication and support. Mom dukes ain't about to project her standards for womanhood onto me. We're good over here Cheryl." In this blog, I'll talk to you about the mommas of the humans I've dated in order to build more understanding.

1. "Make yourself useful." I was dating a human and we often spent holidays with each other's family. Well one 4th of July and after a few Seagram's Wine coolers, his mother decided to ask me a question in front of his family. "Can you make yourself useful?" She was referring to the dishes in her sink. This was incredibly embarrassing for a number of reasons. First, Carol raised us to be very cleanly. Second, I was stopping by. Third, I never believe alcohol is the reason people do awful things. They did it because they felt that way all along. It took one of his cousins to call her out and suggest that her actions were problematic. Not the guy I was dating. Needless to say... we didn't make it.

2. Assessment of my shape. If your momma makes body comments about what areas of my body are ample or lacking, count me out. One lady gave me a full pat down. Inappropriate Cheryl.

3. Reminders of her child's status. We get it your kid is an engineer (for example). Great. I really value that analytical spatially intelligent mind. I, too, add a value to this thing. May not have anything to do with my education, but I'm coming in whole. Do not reduce me down to these things you find important. Assess me on my kindness towards your kid.

4. Confusing resilience of wading through toxicity. Mommas love giving people bad relationship advice. "He just has to get it out of his system" or "Just stick it out, he/she/they will make a good ________. Yeah, but your kid is an awful partner now. Not my job to marry potential. I can't pay the rent on potential. Like imagine if it's the 1st and you tell the landlord, "I might potentially have it by the 5th." Can we say eviction?!?

5. Talking to me about your ex. I get it. You used to date Lisa. Lisa and mom dukes were close. your mom should have enough respect for you to not talk to your new boo about Lisa. "Well, when Lisa was around, Charles was always in good spirits. Perhaps that's why Lisa left. Hell, she was exhausted between you and your moms.

6. Sister invited the ex over. This really happened to me. I went to a family dinner and the sister of the guy I was dating invited his ex over. I wish I had more words to say about this and how it ended, but I digress.

7. "Please don't ask my son to move with you." I used to be in a long distance relationship. We made plans to move to the same city. His mother told him she wouldn't have it. I value family so I told him to listen to his mother and joined

8. Questions about my financial stability. Just don't.

9. Pretentious mothers. Look Clarice. I'm not about to be around here over pressing my hair or detailing the uppity ways of Howard. I love random chicken boxes as affinity food. I watch ratchet tv. I have hood intelligence and I'm not eating your potato salad with vegan mayo. I don't care how good you say it is. Hot sauce is a food group.

10. On a serious note, get your momma please. I can make a whole lot of things work, but disrespect from the people closest to you ain't one. Older women, do better. We get it, your kid is special to you. They may very well be special to me as well. You can't find value in diminishing women because of your standards of womanhood. I'm not wearing a slip under my dress unless I want to. I abhor pantyhose. I love sneakers and I'll likely be good to your kid.

Found this on Google. *You're.

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