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  • Writer's pictureAshley Gray

10 things I think... If some men ain't got nothing else, they got audacity.

Men don't hold back. Y'all know I have no problem addressing their audacious actions but Chile- there's no end in sight. Last time we talk about this I mentioned a few liberties that men take that just doesn't work. Well, they're still oversharing their biases that are dressed up in the name of "preference". Now before some of y'all see this and respond- I already know this isn't all men. See, I said it for you. I also encourage you to sit with this and call it out if you see it. See? Allyship.

  1. I told y'all about the man who asked me what I was waiting for on my 30th birthday in reference to children and a husband. He also asked if my husband or father had given me permission to pursue a PhD at that age. I was wrong when I told him I could no more predict the future than he could the return of his hairline. Watch your mouth sir.

  2. Don't like women with makeup. Honestly, we don't care. This used to be a compliment to me when I was super girlfriend with minimal makeup and minimal self work. Back when I was accepting insults to other women as compliments, I didn't understand that what was said about her was also said to me. Honestly, we don't care that you don't like makeup. Since you don't like it- I suggest you don't buy/wear it.

  3. When describing what some men (straight men- let's be clear) want in a partner, they often describe a caricature that has a mix between their mom, a video vixen from IG they like, cleaning crew and a master chef. What if she doesn't exist? Also, nobody wants to be like your mom- Brenda is character enough on her own. WE DON'T NEED TWO.

  4. Body hair maintenance. Let's go there. I've heard more uneducated opinions about body hair that any person ever cares to know. If you like a clean shave- then shave. Folks have body hair because it grows there. Take that up with God- you don't like his/her/their work. Other than that, please stop forcing standards on folks.

  5. Some humans have periods. They didn't ask for it. They just happen. As a human who gets one, I'm not explaining/apologizing for that. I didn't ask for it and if I could give it back... that's another story. It would behoove you (if you plan to be in relationship) to embrace it. I never knew period shame until someone else gave it to me.

  6. I love to hear men talk about what dimensions they prefer... 36, 24, 36. You can barely do basic math but want to use a made up measurement to find a partner. Also, if you are 42, 42, 36 because you refuse to engage your legs at the gym... leave me the hell alone.

7. I don't like weave/wigs/locs/natural hair, etc. I'd encourage you not to wear them then. Ya granny has been wearing her synthetic wig since 89 and you revere her. She's everything a man could want. You and granny are going to be eating hotwater cornbread together, if you don't figure out how to adjust.

8. I don't like women that smoke- sir you smell like backwood, Newports and cheap cognac. You have smoke embedded in your Cadillac and your 27 thread count sheets. Shut up.

9. I know a few guys who do just enough and that's worked for them. Resulted in promotions, opportunities and even wealth. They have never committed to anything or anyone and they still win. They tap you for an occasional braindrain because "you're so smart" only to take credit for your work. They don't move out of the way to share your brilliance in fact, they keep your around because it makes them look and feel good. Don't give them access to you. Period.

10. On a serious note... for anyone... when you finish your checklist of things you don't like, what's left? Is your list a fair representation of what you have to offer? Are you forcing standards onto folks? Is your unofficial list problematic?

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