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  • Writer's pictureAshley Gray

10 Things I think... It's too cold to...

It's so cold in the D. The district is so cold that people are doubling up on lace fronts for additional insulation... Here's a list of things it's too cold to do...

1. Talk. I'm gonna be honest. Anytime I can see my soul leaving my body through the vapor that comes out of my mouth. It's too damn cold to talk.

2. Argue. Whatever beef we got right now, let's just cancel it. I don't care how vile. It's too cold be be out here arguing over traffic. Now once the temperature is 20 degrees or higher, expect me.

3. Sitting in the car while it heats up. To hell with that. That car has made it all night in these sub zero temps, it really doesn't need me to supervise.

4. To offer a ride anywhere that ain't on the way. To be honest I'm trying to conserve gas. To that end...

5. To pump gas. At this point they can deliver everything else. Bring me $10 worth of gas, some lemon heads and a bag of rap snacks.

6. Experimenting with food. Listen, if you've never made it before, tonight ain't the night to try something new. I need that food to smack. This is not a night for your coworker Sue's pasta salad. Our ancestors didn't survive off pasta salad. Find me some roast somewhere please.

7. Not effectively use your oven as the heater it is meant to also be. I practice every other preventative measure in my life, however when it's this cold chile... that oven is about to "knock the chill off". My landlord probably hates me. I got a smoke, carbon monoxide and broken man detector- I'm fine. Trust me.

8. Check the mail. I'm not walking around to the mailbox in the subzero temps to pick up bills. The only time this is appropriate is when you got a check coming. Always opening to walking to that box for a coin. ALWAYS. ALL WAYS.

9. Be single. I'm about to launch my application again. This is the only time I believe in gender roles. Please warm my car up because that's tied to some deep problematic protector masculinity trauma. We can go to therapy once the car heats up baby. It's too damn cold for chivalry to be dead.

10. On a serious note, I pray that we practice much more generosity and patience during this time. It's so cold that displaced members of our communities are freezing to death. Please check on folks. Offer what you can (safely). Love on your folks and do more than pray for those in need. A prayer can bring about a sandwich, but you offering me a sandwich and a prayer meets an immediate need. Also, please be careful heating these spaces with old space heaters and ovens. It's not safe. Please find a safe method. Just saying. Love y'all. Please be good to yourselves and others.

Where's the lie?!?

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