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  • Writer's pictureAshley Gray

10+ Things I Think... This Coronavirus got me shook...

A few of you saw my list "What the CDC won't tell you about the Coronavirus" and truthfully, it's still heavy on my mind. While the CDC has provided lists of things to consider and to stop doing, it failed to mention some of my lingering concerns. So... here they are.

1. This ain't the time to check on the sick and shut-in. I know your pastor growing up encouraged you to check on folk in-person, but this ain't that. This is a great time to engage folks through facetime calls and zoom and such. No laying of hands unless it's to mush someone who coughs in close proximity.

2. This virus angers me. Like literally. I find myself saying wild things to folks like "that sneeze sounded uncovered" or "Oh, we just cough in our hands?" At this point, all of that is a personal offense. Like, I want to put my paws on folks who are bitterly spreading the love of the new plague.

3. I keep wiping things down and I generally don't trust most folks' hands. I feel like everyone licks their fingers.

4. Don't invite me to the potluck. between my fear that your pets have full liberty in your kitchen and the very real reality that y'all ain't washing your hands- I'm not hungry. Hunger is canceled until they have a vaccine.

5. I hate an old "spritz my hands with water" @$$ person. You know that wash where they lightly run the water then just let their thumbs touch the other fingers. (think: inverted salt bae hand motion vibe). No soap. You might as well run your hands across the toilet seat then rub it in. JUST NASTY.

6. Who raised y'all? Were you never discouraged from coughing in your hands? Folks are married and partnered. Yo person didn't tell you that was nasty? Someone lays next to you while you just released that deep-seated viral funk. You know sick breath STANK.

7. I take shallow breaths in shared space. For example... I get on the elevator at work today. I make no plans to talk because I don't like shared air. Susan (she looked like a Susan) gets on and looks like death. Susan, I'm gonna assume you're sick so I'm pushing the next button and hopping off. I don't work on 3 dammit, but I'll wait for the next one.

8. Don't be a hero. Stay yo sickly ass at home. I don't know what secret award ceremony y'all waiting on when you show up to work sick and ugly. There's no attendance award at work. You aren't winning a pencil Warren.

French toast, Carol. Got me in the store buying all kinds of unnecessary stuff.y are. While the right thing to do is practice some additional patience and grace, I'm recommending you do the opposite. I recommend carrying blow horns and setting them off when folks don't wash their hands with soap for 20 seconds. I also recommend you create some rules for your workspace. This includes mandatory hand sanitizing, a Listerine gargle, a hairnet, ginger ale shots and gloves. Only gloves taken from your doctor's office will do. Something about those free gloves that I love. I dye hair with em, wash dishes, garden, clean and everything else with those. Def a certified glove stealer.

10. Don't be buying all the damn bread and milk. I'm not sure why bread, milk and eggs are the first things my momma tells me to buy, but ummm if I'm sick I ain't gone be in the mood for

French toast, Carol. Got me in the store buying all kinds of unecessary stuff.

11. Stop calling me because DC's cases are growing. I know. Y'all making my anxiety bad with all the updates. Half of them are from websites I'm afraid to open and the other half tell us what we already know... someone who had CV touched, fed, danced with, spoke at somewhere knowing good and well they were supposed to be in a closet sweating it out.

12. I need all this to clear up by homecoming. Ain't nothing a fish fry, some leather braided sandals, a straw hat, a tall can of beer, some Omega oil and Hennesey can't cure. Hennesey has to be the cure to something.

13. On a serious note, I really hope they find a healthy solution to this that doesn't involve any more folks dying or a literal purge. I find myself not wanting to be around folks because guess who can't afford 14 days off during dissertation phase??? Not me. I'm trying my best to be well in all the ways. I'm failing mostly, but dammit I'm trying. This whole outbreak and the utter carelessness of folks upsets me greatly. Please protect yourself and everyone around you - it's your responsibility. Last and most important, this virus has really revealed folks' biases. Holding your breath around Asian folk and making ugly comments will never be ok. You get checked for coughing and being racist over here.

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