Dating Application

We apply for everything. Like everything. Why should we not apply to date one another? Well if I were to have a dating application it would look like this...

1. Name (Please write your government name)

2. What do your friends and family call you. (If you name around your loved ones is "Killa Cam" or "Poochie", I'd like to know upfront. Last time I accidentally dated a drug dealer it was because I didn't ask him what his friends called him.

3. Do you subscribe to a certain religious, faith or spiritual tradition/non-tradition?

4. Do you want to get married/ believe in marriage?

5. Do you want offspring at some point?

6. What's your favorite book and why?

7. What are your expectations of a partner? For example, if your momma grew up not allowing men to make plates please let me know so I can turn you down nicely. I make plates when I want to, not because I have to.

8. What do you talk to your therapist about the most?

9. How do you respond to anger?

10. What makes your heart happy?

11. Please submit a brief writing sample about why you applied. (5-7 sentences)

All applications are due by 5pm EST June 1, 2018. After a brief review process, I will be in touch for enough demographic information so I can casenet you. Just gotta make sure you don't spend your evening hours making humans into punching bags. Also, if you could please have all of your teeth. They need not be perfect, but at least all there.